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Virginia Fairbrother Special to the Morning Star. I keep feeling I can't be greedy because I had him for 25 years. Rami - 29 years together, 11 years after: "We did a renewal of the vows when she was already very sick. I surprised her. We had friends over for a barbecue when she was already pretty ill and I said, okay, we're now going to do a renewal of our vows.
I had a friend act as the rabbi, so to speak, and read something that I had prepared. It made her feel really good. So if you could do something like that for your spouse, it can make them feel very special. Santiago - 25 years together, 2 years after: "It's been two years. I think about her all the time. When I see my sons, my daughter - I see my wife in them. She was the best woman for me in the world - a beautiful person.
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Sari - 22 years together, 16 years after: "I don't think there were fireworks when we first met, but it was very easy to be together and it kept getting better. Sam - 38 years together, 13 years after: "We'd both been in a long-term monogamous relationship and I think we find that situation comfortable. Sari: "I was a relationship person my whole life.
My husband died right before my 50th birthday. I knew that by 60 I'd be married. I just knew. I'm a relationship person. Sam: "I think we're both lucky. We both acknowledge that side of our lives is important. You don't minimize it. We share all sorts of things, quirks of our former spouses.
Sari finally sees, in my daughter, a lot of what my wife was like. Stephanie years together, 3 years after: "The way I kind of wrap my head around it all is, it's not just that someone died - it's like a weird way to end the relationship. Sandi years together, 16 years after: "There were people who saw us weeks before he died. They thought we were newlyweds. It was that kind of relationship. We never walked down the street without holding hands. And my heart still skipped a beat when he came into the room.
I'm glad he died before me. He couldn't have managed on his own. Now, I don't know what to do with myself a lot of the time. I mean, there's lots I have to do. I haven't really been able to settle down to writing for about five years because things got very heavy.
I'm now starting to think about that. It's coming to me that it would be a very good thing to do, to write about the story of our relationship". Richard - 18 years together, 2. She went to Pilates three days a week. She went to Tai Chi, she took up knitting and she made this sweater for me. And so she kept herself very busy, she had a book club at night, once a month. I guess I'm just not into any of that. I like to go out at night and listen to music and have a couple of drinks.
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That's my life. It's my lifestyle before marriage, during marriage and since, you know, she passed away. Ellen - 10 years together, 6. I couldn't find anything that looked appealing. I found a support group online that I would occasionally post on. But I tried to go to therapy a few times and couldn't find a good match. I didn't connect with anybody.
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I didn't feel like I found the right person at the time. And I was so focused on getting my kids' mental health sorted that that kind of became secondary. And then I also think of the fact that he's so much more comfortable than what he was before. It wasn't right that he continued to live in that pain. It wasn't right for anyone to suffer.
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And whatever I have, whatever feelings I might have, even down the road, they'll be so minimal compared to what other people go through in this world today. I put everything in the right perspective. Susan - 21 years together, 13 months after: "I didn't do bereavement counseling. I did rest a great deal. My first concern was that I had heard of stories of relationships, of one spouse ending and the other spouse leaving afterwards, kind of like a twinning situation. And I was very aware and concerned of that, so I rested. I strategically rested, like flat out, made myself lie down and rest just to deal with the biomechanics of death.
You're with someone 21 years. You don't know what your nervous system is going to do. You don't know what your heart's going to do.
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